To be honest with you I've been struggling lately. And I want to be "real." I hope that in my being "real" someone else will not feel alone. With that being said, here are the natural circumstances of my life currently. I am a single homeschooling mom of 3 daughters. Both my parents are deceased and during the holidays I miss my mother something awful. Although I have done daycare out of my home for almost 8 years now to support us, I currently have no families and no income. I have found myself in the hospital having surgery 6 times over the past year and it doesn't look like the problem is fixed yet. That means there might be additional future surgeries. I am weary. I am tired.
Now, that being said....I serve an amazing God who has been right by my side every step of the way. It is HE alone who gives me strength each and every day. I was telling my daughter the other day that I can see so clearly those areas in my life that I have let the Lord take control of. Those areas that I recognize I absolutely can not do on my own. Those areas I trust Him in completely. For instance I know nothing about house repairs. If I were married, that would be my husbands responsibility. And so as long as I don't have an earthly husband, HE is my husband and so I've left that to Him. He has faithfully over the years sent me "Handyman Angels" to help. Different husbands, fathers, or friends will ask me if I need anything done around the house. God has been very faithful to send them, so I always keep a running list available so that I'm prepared when they ask.
This holiday season He has provided for us as well. I find myself once again at the receiving end of His goodness and grace. Since coming home from the hospital in October and still having no income, the outpouring of blessings has been quite overwhelming at times. We have received groceries from friends and family time and time again. We have received Walmart gift cards and gas cards multiple times. We have received anonymous gifts in the mail. I have more than one friend who thinks of us/buys for us each time they grocery shop. We've been adopted by a family for Christmas, my children will have gifts to open! We've won drawings for Thanksgiving dinners and been blessed by our church as well. The list goes on and on. We have so much to be thankful for! I think one of the things that has so amazed me during this time is how God has provided everything in such a thorough way. I mean that none of these different people knows what the other is doing. Each one gives something different to us. There is not a lot of extra or waste. One friend admitted that they didn't think what they were able to give was worth much, wouldn't make a difference, and was tempted not to do it at all. And I was able to show her that none of the other gifts.....gave us what she did. It was a HUGE blessing to my family!!
It's made me think of all the times the Lord has laid it on my heart to send a card, write a note, cook a meal, make a phone call, babysit, buy something seemingly little and not done it. And not done it because deep down....I didn't think it would make a difference. Now I know....If God is telling you to do something.....it makes a difference! Don't delay!!
So then how is it that I can be surrounded by such generosity and still be tired and weary??? Is it because I am worrying about the future? How will "I" provide for my children? How will "I" pay my mortgage? Instead of trusting Him to be our Provider. Trust. Do I really trust Him? Do I really believe that He will keep a roof over our heads and food on the table forever? Do I really believe that He can and will use this trying time to grow strength and character into my girls? That what the enemy meant to destroy us, God will use to strengthen us? I have a choice to make. We all do. Whose report will we believe? The temporary, always changing circumstances that we may find ourselves in? Or the promises of God's word which are eternal and never changing! I choose God's ways as they are higher than my own. I choose to trust Him! What about you?